Pixels (2015) Film Review

Adam Sandler has been going through something of an anti-reconnaissance as of late. While his films have never been favourable by critics, audiences used to flock for the latest release of his courtesy of Happy Madison Productions and Sony Pictures Entertainment. But fast-forward to a post-Jack and Jill world, and each and every one of his films have been panned by everyone, including the studios that hire him, and has left him fleeting towards Netflix – which going by sources isn't going well thanks to racial allegations. But Pixels (based on the 2013 short film of the same name) is potentially an ambitious swansong for the comedic actor, with 80s legend Chris Columbus at the helm and current big name actors Josh Gad and Peter Dinklage joining Sandler and personal monkey Kevin James in their quest to risk tarnishing one of pop culture's biggest mediums: classic video games. 

In 1982, a young Sam Brenner discovers that he has a knack for playing arcade games, and with the push from his friend Will enters himself into a world championship match, which (for some reason) is being filmed by NASA to be sent into space in a time capsule of sorts. But when Sam comes second in a game of Donkey Kong against Eddie Plant, his potential becomes lost, and 30 years later he installs software as a career while Will (now played by Kevin James) is the President of the United States. Yes, Kevin James as the President. A President who can't read and can barely cope in any situation. Anywho, following an attack on a military base, Brenner and Lt. van Patten (Michelle Monaghan) – who's house Brenner was at for a fixture at the time of calling – are called up to the White House to sort out the situation. And with the help of Brenner's old friend Ludlow (Josh Gad) and rival Plant (Peter Dinklage), they must battle various 80s video game characters taken over by the alien menace above them – all while being mocked by military officials Brian Cox and Sean Bean for their lifestyle. 

Here's the thing about Pixels – it has a creative enough premise to work, and when the same concept was used in a Futurama episode a decade ago it was a big success. However, despite having a legendary director in control with Columbus, it's a film that ultimately fails big-time. You can see issues with the film from the moment young James steals money from a girl selling lemonade, and at no point does the film try to convince you otherwise outside of its elaborate set-pieces involving the video game characters – and even then they can get botched up by things like Sony product placement (don't deny it, that Smurf cameo was because of the films Sony makes). Not only that, but at times the story doesn't even make any sense, with the introduction of video game trophies – mostly so that classic character Q*bert can be used as an adorable side character – cheat codes and apparent betrayal all being pushed in with no actual purpose outside of tension, and also don't even make sense. 

Not to mention its outright stupidity with some of its character beats and moments, like the incredibly forced chemistry between Sandler and Monaghan and the actual idea of Kevin James being the President. We're talking Paul Blart in the Oval Office here! Add a sprinkle of racist comments ("You're my second favourite president! Obama's still my man but...") and an entire character trait for Gad being about his devotion for a fictional heroine (portrayed in the flesh by Ashley Benson) leading to the video game depiction of her – who de-pixelates herself for no reason other than to have a female in clad clothing – only to instantly forget her goal and become an trophy for Gad...all without having a single line of dialogue. And people thought Age of Ultron was bad! And while it's refreshing that the comedy doesn't have the kind of fart jokes which would fit a Minions movie more than a mainstream comedy for teens and adults, the occasional onslaught of pee jokes, failed romantic attempts, 'nerds are losers' gags is still too terrible to be even consider a part of the comedy. At times they break the flow of the action (looking at you, Centipede), and all other situations are just hard to watch. Surprisingly enough video game pet Q*bert captured the most laughs by audiences, but even he and his over-the-top attempts of being cute were more sickly than lovely. 

Video game movies have often been considered a shambles, with the only film of any note being Wreck-It Ralph which strived on using its Toy Story-esque premise to include its pre-existing characters in cameo form. Pixels is similar in the fact that, aside from the aforementioned Q*bert, it has original characters front-and-centre whilst the beloved likes of Donkey Kong and Pac-Man appear in antagonistic form or as a blip in the background. But what baffles me is how all these major gaming companies – including Nintendo, who have been avoiding the film industry since Super Mario Bros. back in 1993 – have allowed Sony permission to include them in this mess. And while things like Tetris appear in brief glimpse as part of seeing the aliens' attack (side note: we never see these aliens outside of them using video game and 80s pop icon form, nor their actual purpose aside from a minor comment from the elephant-orange hybrid), and while they do look like good recreations of the classic designs in a 3D-pixelated format, their actual usage makes little sense. With Centipede Sandler and co. are the good guys, with Pac-Man they're the ghosts, and so on...try and make sense here! 

And through all of this travesty sits Adam Sandler on his throne of terror, lauding over his mess as though he was on the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones. He clearly doesn't care about the film and plays nothing more than his typical loser character. Just the other day I praised Simon Pegg for his approach to a similar character in Shaun of the Dead a decade prior, but Sandler doesn't put in the effort to do the very same here. His character is proclaimed a God of arcade games, criticises the current set of beloved games (including, surprise surprise, a Sony game), and doesn't learn anything from his experiences. Josh Gad's overly creepy and overbearing as the conspiracy theorist that pines for an 8-bit non-talkative assassin; Kevin James is the President (the PRESIDENT?!?!) who's own subplot about not being liked by the public and not having time to spend with his wife (a non-existent Jane Krakowski) can easily be summed up by a scene involving journalists sneering at one who criticised him; Monaghan has proven she can act in the past but can't seem to show it here; Dinklage is grating as the big-headed 'Fire Blaster' who really wants to bed Serena Williams; Ashley Benson wastes her time by just standing around and looking attractive; Brian Cox has no actual character synergy, as he switches from dottering old fool to military jerk to vengeful commander; Matt Linz as van Latten's son ranges from terrible to meh on the child actor scale; and Sean Bean is nothing more than an elongated cameo.  

I have no background reasoning for disliking Pixels. I'm not in it for the nostalgia or for Adam Sandler or even for Sony Pictures Entertainment, who haven’t made a film that could be considered good for quite some time (if you exclude Whiplash, that is). But when you walk into a comedy film with classic characters and some actors which have been proven to be good and leave it angry, it's not a good sign. Yes, the premise is good, so kudos must be given to Patrick Jean for his original short, and Columbus doesn’t do a half-bad job in the director's chair despite how simplistic it all looks, but aside from that? It's just so disappointing that this can even be considered a comedy by some. It's just plain old bad. Although you could imagine that it is from the outset because KEVIN JAMES IS PLAYING THE FREAKING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! 2/10.