Ice Age: Collision Course (2016) Film Review

In the same vein as 20th Century Fox's other headline property the X-Men, it's weird to think that we're still getting new instalments of the Ice Age franchise. Starting back in 2002 with a fine first feature for Blue Sky Studios, the films have only gone on to adding more and more characters and new/absurd ideas for the prehistoric mammals to face – a weird notion to even think were possible, if not for the fact that almost every film has grossed even more than the last worldwide (its fourth film was just $9m off) and that only the Rio films have come close to that level of success, so it makes sense from a business side of things. But with each new instalment gaining groans from the cinephiles that see it and each film being less regarded than the last – not to mention that the studio's attempt at the Peanuts films lead to their most-loved film to date – one wonders whether Manny, Sid, Diego et al should really get round to being extinct before they become the CG equivalent to the Land Before Time series. 

When yet another of sabre-toothed squirrel Scrat's antics involving his beloved acorn leads him onto the deck of a crashed spaceship (has this franchise jumped the shark yet?) and into the depths of outer space, he inexplicably causes a meteor shower which is seemingly part of some predestined prophecy which dinosaur hunter/protector Buck (a returning Simon Pegg) discovers during a routine egg rescue. Crawling back up to the surface and reuniting with his former allies – each with their own set of problems – he and the main gang, alongside some new additions, must travel towards the original crash site in the hopes of finding a way of deflecting the impending doom; hindered slightly by the appearance of three prehistoric birds (lead by Nick Offerman) who believe that they'd be able to survive an apocalyptic world. With Manny the Mammoth (Ray Romano) struggling with the idea of his daughter Peaches (Keke Palmer) getting married to a frat/bro-like idiot (Adam DeVine), Sid the Sloth (John Leguizamo) feeling lonely what with his lack of love interest, and romantic couple Diego and Shira (Denis Leary and Jennifer Lopez) having difficulty with being too scary around kids, can all these issues be rectified before the end of the world?

At this point in the franchise, it does feel like they are just coming up with any plot possible for the sake of keeping the series alive. From a simple tale of a mismatched batch of animals taking a human baby to their father and a follow-up based around global warming to the ever-expanding cast of characters going up against dinosaurs, pirates and now asteroids, these films do feel like cash-grabs at this point. And with the story delving into the near-empty well of ideas for these characters to tread through, it hasn't felt this devoid of actual necessity since, well, since the last one of these. With the driving force of the whole thing acting more as a simple backbone for all these conjoined arcs – and at that not exactly being a good one in its own right – it all relies on those separate stories for the film to work, but it just doesn’t. 

Perhaps the biggest problem comes through the barely existent story that the tigers go through; making a remark about wanting to be good with kids, and then at the very end having a form of resolution which just comes out of nowhere and with no progress at all. Then comes the enforced romantic subplot involving Sid, which comes across as a footnote in the screenplay stressing on the necessity of giving every one of these characters a partner (even Wanda Syke's grandmother figure gains one in the form of a rabbit), and with a cop-out ending that ensures that that's the case no matter what newbie actress Jessie J decides to do with her career. And then there's the father disliking the future son-in-law story, which at this point feels rather done-to-death. The clichés are all there, ranging from forgotten anniversary celebrations to not wanting to let his kid grow up, and it all feels forced. The most one can gain from it are the traditional Scrat inserts, which grow a tad more inventive with the toying around of planets, gravity, and teleports, but as something that simply adds as a kick-starter to all the events only really draws you away from the already-dull viewing. 

And amongst these stories lies the ongoing and continuously strained comedy, which is perhaps the worst thing of all. While the simple slapstick can still gain some form of comedy for the younger viewers, and a minor gag referencing Planet of the Apes catches the eye for older viewers, it instead focuses all its energy towards outdated references, eccentric cameos (hello there, Neil deGrasse Tyson) and just plain bad quips from start to finish. With some of the dialogue already being painful to listen to, the jokes only make the whole thing worse.

If you know the main cast by now, you'll know that some of the passion has gone from their performances. Romano is forcing his lines out; Leary's few moments of commentary lack any form of emphasis; Queen Latifah is just pleased that she has stable film work going, and the constant gibberish from Chris Wedge as Scrat is starting to sound like archive recordings instead of something new. Out of the core trio, Leguizamo is the most enthusiastic (perhaps glad his character has an actual story this time, however understated it is) – with Simon Pegg coming close to that same level of devotion – while possum duo Crash and Eddie (Seann William Scott and Josh Peck) are more insufferable than ever before; Palmer's Peaches come across as a tad aggravating at times, and DeVine's bro mammoth is increasingly vexatious despite how we're meant to feel sorry for the guy. Add a non-existent Lopez, an annoying Jesse Tyler Ferguson as the Shangri Llama, a standard Wanda Sykes performance, and various other performances being either sub-par (Offerman and Jessie J) to barely worth discussion (Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Rauch) and this cast of characters are just tiresome at this stage. 

On the plus side, at least the animation is still alright. While not as well-textured as the competition nor visually stimulating, the landscapes at least show some promise whilst space-based material does look all the more refreshing against the samey designs that we’ve been stuck with for the past 14 years. And with the direction being perhaps on the same wavelength of 'alright', it ties the whole film together in one thinly-knotted bow.

The Ice Age films are themselves like an icicle on a ceiling – at first pretty to look at, but over time melting into a wet mess on the floor that people slip upon accidently and inadvertently make contact with the remains of something that was once good. These films started to die out by the time film #3 made its rounds back in 2009, but this hopefully-extinct franchise continues to hobble along with drearier and drearier results. It may still have the bright colours and fun slapstick that will give the youngest of viewers a good time, but the remainder is just a jumbled mess of a picture that just proves that Blue Sky should stick to their more experimental efforts. 3/10.